WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
