just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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