I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
