I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
