I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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