Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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