She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
