Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I want is dick and wine.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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