Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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