so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
only you would photoshop your dick
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
