I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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