I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
