If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize