in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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