Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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