Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
