I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize