Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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