At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
