Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
