Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
