Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
