AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
