Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
