i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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