and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
