There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
