This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
