we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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