I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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