i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Someone shit on the floor
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
