Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
