I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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