hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
