youre lurking in front of me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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