can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
