Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize