Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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