marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Jerry, you need to find god
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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