not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
