he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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