Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
