id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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