I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
