I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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