don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
