whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
