She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
