He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
