and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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