Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
