Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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