I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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