I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize