saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
