If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
