Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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