My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize