you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
