if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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