Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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