I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
