The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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