the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's just like the Real World with babies
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
