Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
