She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
