she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
