just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
