Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
