I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
