life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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