yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
