you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
