I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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