i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
