i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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