Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you never un-have a 4some
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
