Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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