i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
